Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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