Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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