Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
