I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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