I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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