toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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