Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
