I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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