The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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