Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
