Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
