If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
no, he came in my armpit
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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