I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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