There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
