Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
