So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
