Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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