Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
