i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
