Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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