god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
