gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
