That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
