forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
