My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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