There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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