You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I looked at my own cervix.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
