Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
