Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
