I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
