new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
