i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
