Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
