i think my mom watched the whole time
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
