I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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