Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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