so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need water and some morals
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
