Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize