My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
