Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
