I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
