we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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