Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
