I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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