I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
