You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
