Don't make out with my wife yet
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
