help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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