I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
