i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
