Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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