no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize