I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
