i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Randomize
