Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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