Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize