The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I pour the whiskey from now on
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
