My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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