So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Congratulations! We have a period
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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