My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
