Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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