Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
