Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
