Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
