There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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