i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize