This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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